photo by Dave KochI found these in the refrigerator of a friend of mine and was so shocked, I had to tell the world.  First of all, the Buttered Popcorn Jelly Beans are the grossest, sickest excuse for a candy I know.  I would rather eat a handful of the Harry Potter Bertie Botts Earthworm flavored Jelly Beans than then a single Buttered Popcorn.

They are so horrible, they knock the wind out of me; I can't breathe.  My eyes roll into the back of my head when I eat them.  I begin to have visions of Hieronymus Bosch's Hell in The Garden of Earthly Delights.  Blood runs from my eyes, my head swivels on my neck, my world goes dark.  I may be exaggerating a little, but I really don't like them at all.  

Continuing on.  I didn't eat the pudding but I imagine it tastes like a pile of vomit at a movie theater.  I'm simply amazed that they would take something as disgusting as a buttered popcorn jelly bean and try and market it in different forms.  What's next?  Jelly Belly Buttered Popcorn Non-Dairy Creamer?

To exacerbate my shock of finding these in the home of someone I know, this culprit went to culinary school!  She shall remain nameless so as to protect her identity, possibly her job, and definitely her standing in the community (could you imagine the shame?).  

"So ______, I hear you eat Jelly Belly Buttered Popcorn Pudding Snacks..."

"Uh, yea."

"You're fired!"

Now I'm just teasing her - but nevertheless, here is a rundown of the ingredients in them (there are no less than 15 mind you!):

"Nonfat milk, water, sugar, modified food starch, vegetable oil (contains one or more of the following: soybean oil, canola oil, sunflower oil), contains 1% or less of the following: natural and artificial flavor, salt, xanthan gum, disodium phosphate, sodium stearoyl lactylate, yellow 5.

Contains: milk"

Did you notice it does not contain butter OR popcorn...?


Authordavid koch
CategoriesDesserts, Humor